LOAD AND INITIATE PROTOCOL ""NEW YEAR 2013""
INITIALIZE ""CHAMPAGNE DISPENSER 1.4""
INJECT ""GIN"" AT RUNTIME 22:00
ACTIVATE ""SOUNDSYSTEM DJ9000""
COMMENCE ""PARTYTIME EXTREMEROO""
ENGAGE ""NONSENSICAL SMS&VOICEMAIL"" MESSAGING PROTOCOLS
LOAD ""LAMPSHADE HABERDASHER 10/6""
CREATE TWITTER ACCOUNT
ENGAGE LEG ROTORS
RESOLUTION CHANGE 640X480
ENGAGE SYSTEM HIBERNATION
""REGRETFUL INTROSPECTION"" PROTOCOLS ACTIVE
ADVANCE & CYCLE ""SELF LOATHING"" LOGS
COMMENCE CORE DUMP/STACK OVERFLOW CLEANUP ROUTINE
SANITIZE ""BLEACHSCRUB"", LEVEL 5
SLEEP MODE ACTIVE
Simon Says... (Written by CEO Simon Anderson!)
2013 is going to be awesome. I can feel it in our data centers. Bits of data are flying around at the speed of light, and they are pinging me that the innovation happening on our servers is making a difference in people's lives around the world.
Your world. Where content and creativity lives. We've taken your feedback during 2012 and made big upgrades to just about everything we do. A new data center on the East Coast of the USA. A new network powered by the latest technology. New servers that can compute, store, and serve your web sites, blogs and apps over 4 times faster than before. Rapid real time upgrades to the latest versions of WordPress. A new cloud storage service, DreamObjects, that gives you the power to store and serve anything at low cost, with files or content that is all Internet addressable - meaning you can give any object or file its own URL.
We'll be rolling out more must-have services and features in 2013 for entrepreneurs and developers, so watch this space and keep up the suggestions on our customer forums at...
And I'm very excited to announce that we'll be doing our very first, ever, ever DreamHost user conference in Los Angeles from August 1-3, 2013. So we can learn from you, share web and cloud insights with you, and have a bit of fun in LA in the summer!
Let's make 2013 great. Rest assured our Dream team will be working super hard to ensure your experience with DreamHost is exactly that!
(Now back to Brett!)
As Simon mentioned, DreamCon is coming!
Everyone learns differently.
Some people learn by reading. Some people learn by doing.
Some people take classes. Some people go to conferences.
Some people play a book-on-tape under their pillow while they sleep and hope it'll help them learn French and thus make the hardest part of their high school career a whole lot easier.
One thing is undeniable - learning in a welcoming environment where you're free to ask questions and do some networking is almost always a lot of fun. And helpful!
We've this month announced "DreamCon", the world's FIRST DreamHost user conference! We're busy planning an intense two days of sessions designed to help you get the most out of your DreamHost experience, most of which will be taught by DreamHost's own subject matter experts - our employees - in the flesh!
Expect some special guest stars to also make appearances, but it's a little too soon for us to talk about those just yet.
Save the dates! DreamCon will take place this year, August 2nd & 3rd in the heart of Los Angeles, with a welcoming reception to take place the evening of the 1st.
Whether you're a blogger, a hardcore software developer, a WordPress nut, a DreamObjects pro, an Internet entrepreneur, or anything in between, we guarantee that DreamCon will have something you'll want to see!
Super early-bird pricing is now available, so claim your tickets now!
We'll be sure to keep you updated as we announce the speakers, agenda, and exact location, so keep your eyes peeled on our website and your inbox over the months to come!
New Charity: Wikimedia Foundation!
September through January we solicited donations for the Free Software Foundation to help them in their ongoing campaign to secure freedom for computer users by promoting the development and use of free (as in freedom) software!
94 people donated a total of $4496.86, which we're matching three times over for a total donation amount of $17,987.44! That actually sets a new donation record for us since we hit $13k for Dean Kamen's FIRST organization back in early 2011!
We've never received so many individual contributions for any charitable organization before, so clearly the FSF's message resonated with a lot of you! Their Twitter campaign to get the word out probably didn't hurt, either...
Feel good about yourselves - you just helped to do something amazing for good people doing good things! Good on YOU!
Our next donation target is the Wikimedia Foundation!
There was a time, not so long ago, that humanity was able to breathe a collective sigh of relief. "FINALLY," we all said, "I won't have to find a way to pay for - or store - encyclopedias."
I personally consider it a high-water mark in our evolutionary tale.
As you may already know, the Wikimedia Foundation is the organization behind Wikipedia, the greatest source of information about everything, ever.
I take that back - SECOND greatest source of information, behind only urbandictionary.com.
The Wikimedia Foundation is also responsible for bringing MediaWiki into this world - an open-source version of the software that powers Wikipedia itself.
The Foundation's project list is impressive, and any donation you make will go to benefit all of them:
For the next few months we will match any donations that you make to the Wikimedia Foundation from the "Give to Charity" section of your account control panel:
This is actually all part of my master plan! A scheme, if you will.
See, if *you* throw enough money at Wikimedia, *I* won't need to. And, bonus, NOBODY will have to look at those banners begging for money on Wikipedia anymore. For at least like...a week. I hope.
Affiliate Bonuses - EXTENDED!
Whether you know it or not, you are enrolled in the DreamHost affiliate program.
What's that mean? It means we'll pay you $97 for each new customer that you send our way. *And* we'll pay you another $5 for each new customer that THEY send our way.
What? Don't look at me like that, mouth agape and eyes bulging. This is a real thing! It happens every day! Where have you BEEN?
We've been running some special affiliate bonuses lately to help make it even more attractive for you to participate. We want you to get excited about spreading DreamHost like jam on toast! Or butter! Or margarine, if that's how you swing.
We want to be your butter. Please, let us be your butter.
The feedback so far has been along the lines of "These bonuses are amazing" and "Please don't stop with the bonuses. I'm so close!"
You've spoken, and we've listened! For a limited time, (through March 31st!) we're extending our $50 and $100 bonus tiers to help you hit your goals.
If you have any questions about our affiliate program, or are just looking for a friend who can offer some pointers on getting started or improving your approach, we're here for you!
email@example.com goes straight to real people - not robots!
DreamHost WTF: Multifactor Authentication
What's That Feature? It's Multifactor Authentication!
The DreamHost control panel is your gateway to happiness.
Key word: your.
You want to keep OTHER people out of YOUR business, so you've picked a really good, almost-impossible-to-guess password, right? Of course you have.
That's a pretty good place to be, and we applaud your solicitude and judiciousness, but you can take your commitment to account security even further!
Consider enabling "Multifactor Authentication" to REALLY lock down your DreamHost account in seconds - it's free, it's easy, and like all optional security enhancements, it comes highly recommended!
Multifactor authentication will add a SECOND password field to your web panel's login screen. This second password changes every 30 seconds (!) and is given to you by a smartphone app or web app to which you also have access.
The apps are free, and you have to admit - this is a pretty clever way to lock down anything!
The DreamHost Site Of The Month is a coveted title reserved for a select few DreamHost customers who work magic with swords, weave holiday vests from unicorn manes, and consort with fairies to gather ingredients for their magicking under the light of a full moon.
Actually, no. That's something else. In fact, forget I said anything.
The DHSOTM is a coveted title that recognizes DreamHost-hosted sites for being above-average across a variety of categories. Winners have been selected as "best in class" by a jury of their peers!
As voted by you, the winners from DECEMBER are as follows...
If you are prone to epilepsy, do not click that link. I am not joking.
You can put "High Quality" in front of anything and I'll probably buy it.
Remember, you can always click through to the DreamHost Site Of The Month section of your account control panel at any time to submit your site, vote on candidates, and view all winners past and present. (Winners appear in bold.)
Nice work, everyone!
See ya next month!
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CLICK TO INITIATE ""SADNESS"" && ""HURT FEELINGS"" EMULATION